Listening to: Me and My Broken Heart - Rixton
Eating: A slice of raspberry banana bread
Okay, to begin, I've caught my seasonal cold. Except it came early this year. Normally, I get it at the end of fall/beginning of winter, but it decided to come early. -_- I'm not sure if it's my seasonal cold, or if I'm actually sick for once. Second, I've been busy searching for my first job, as I don't know what I want to do for my career at the moment. I'm actually working on a cover letter as I type this.
But that's not my main point. First, I want to tell you that I hate it when somebody copies me. I realized this awhile ago when I noticed my sister was listening to one of my favorite songs, It's Time by Imagine Dragons, and then when she was showing off her 'drawing' of a wolf. Which I'm pretty sure she traced, cause it's pretty much perfect, and I'd seen her own freehand drawings. She's not big into drawing-she rarely does it as far as I know-so there's no way she could be that good in such a short amount of time. Before I was happy that I was the only one in my family who was actually good at drawing. Maybe I should be flattered that she's following in my footsteps, but I'm not and no one can change that. I thought I was unique, different. That I was good at something that no one in family was good at. My sister is twelve, and I'm eighteen, so I've been around drawing a lot longer than her. I've been drawing for pretty much all my life, if not all of it. Drawing was the one thing that was unique about me in my family. Now I have nothing. Anyway, recently I subscribed to Markiplier on YouTube and have been watching his videos daily or almost daily. Each and every time I have smiled and laughed, and I'm sure those who are fans as well can say the same thing. So I've seen his videos where he talks about how each and every one of us is important, that we should believe in ourselves, etc etc. I willingly admit that all that inspirational stuff made me feel warm and fuzzy, for a lack of a better term, and even more so, important. Then I thought of the incidents with my sister as described above, and then I began to doubt if what he said was true and made me feel like I'm not important and other stuff I can't describe.I feel like I can't do anything. I've already had the one thing I was really good at taken away from me, and now there's nothing left that I'm good at. Another fact about me, I like to be recognized and praised and talked to, but nobody's, not my followers on Twitter, not my watchers on here (I truly appreciate all my followers and watchers as I've never been in the spotlight, so THANK YOU!), nobody. Which only increase the feeling of isolation and like I'm unimportant. It also makes me feel like the effort I've put into my drawings and photos was a waste. Which is not a good feeling at all. None of these are. For once I want to be the center of attention, someone people can look up to and admire, someone people can talk to, not that you guys can't right now. I just want an awesome community like Markiplier's. I want to make friends. I have a really hard time talking to people even through the Internet, but I have been trying a little through Omegle. Although that seems like it was absolutely pointless as I haven't talked to any of those I tried to keep in contact with again. It's really frustrating. For those who don't know, I'm really friendly once you talk to me, don't be scared if I don't make the first move. Try talking to me first, for once, and take the time to get to know me. I try to be there for everyone, my watchers, complete strangers, everyone, but it seems like that's all for naught as well. Honestly, I don't even know why I try anymore. So yeah. I don't think anyone is going to say something even after this, like usual. But see you later anyway.